Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.

Friday 31 August 2007

The morale of the story ?

The Ant and The Grasshopper

OLD VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself


MODERN VERSION:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool. He laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

BBC, ITV, SKY news, Channel 4 & even CNN, show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The British public are stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, so civilized and prosperous this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

The grasshopper is immediately accorded victim status.

The telly tubbies appears on children's TV with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." along with other anti-ant songs.

Representatives and supporters from the various minority Political institutions stage a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." The Archbishop of Canterbury leads the group to kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tony Blair exclaims in an interview with Jeremy Paxman that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both agree that an immediate stealth tax should be levied on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the European Commission, pushed by the UK MEP's drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The grasshopper seeks and is awarded legal aid to take his case to the European Court of Human rights.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The Ant is left branded a grasshopperist and as a result of so much negative press is unable to begin to work to rebuild his life.

Cherie Blair gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of High Court judges that Tony Blair appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case. The grasshopper is awarded costs and a sizeable compensation package that leaves the ant financially crippled. The grasshopper employs an agent and is able to secure book & film rights and several lucrative sponsorship deals.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the local authority low cost housing property he has been given, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is later found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: You can decide this one.

Of course this is all totally untrue and non-factual. A complete work of fiction.
How could it be anything else ?

207 comments:

1 – 200 of 207   Newer›   Newest»
metcountymounty said...

I don't understand :(

Anonymous said...

I do....

Charlie Lima said...

LOL fantastic!!!

Sergeant Simon said...

Grasshopperist.

Genius.

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The grasshopper is later found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

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“Come and look at this!” said Hermione. “This is funny. …”
Harry got up and crossed to the window next to the message on the wall. Hermione was pointing at the topmost pane, where around twenty spiders were scuttling, apparently fighting to get through a small crack. A long, silvery thread was dangling like a rope, as though they had all climbed it in their hurry to get outside.
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Harry unstuck his throat.
“I always stay at Hogwarts for the Christmas and Easter holi¬days,” he said, “and I don’t ever want to go back to Privet Drive.”
“Now, now, I’m sure you’ll feel differently once you’ve calmed down,” said Fudge in a worried tone. “They are your family, after all, and I’m sure you are fond of each other — er — very deep down.”
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“Did you really blow up your aunt, Harry?” said Hermione in a very serious voice.
“I didn’t mean to,” said Harry while Ron roared with laughter. “I just — lost control.”
“It’s not funny, Ron,” said Hermione sharply. “Honestly, I’m amazed Harry wasn’t expelled.”
“So am I,” admitted Harry. “Forget expelled, I thought I was go¬ing to be arrested.” He looked at Ron. “Your dad doesn’t know why Fudge let me off, does he?”
“Probably ’cause it’s you, isn’t it?” shrugged Ron, still chuckling. “Famous Harry Potter and all that. I’d hate to see what the Min¬istry’d do to me if I blew up an aunt. Mind you, they’d have to dig me up first, because Mum would’ve killed me. Anyway, you can ask Dad yourself this evening. We’re staying at the Leaky Cauldron tonight too! So you can come to King’s Cross with us tomorrow! Hermione’s there as well!”
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Users may play back their own music while playing games or using the dashboard, and can play music with an interactive visual synthesizer. Music, photos and videos can be played from standard USB mass storage devices, Xbox 360 proprietary storage devices (such as memory cards or Xbox 360 hard drives), and servers or computers with Windows Media Center or Windows XP with Service Pack 2 or higher within the local-area network in streaming mode.]
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“Miss Granger, you are already facing suspension from this school,” Snape spat. “You, Potter, and Weasley are out-of-bounds, in the company of a convicted murderer and a werewolf. For once in your life, hold your tongue.”
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“KEEP QUIET, YOU STUPID GIRL!” Snape shouted, looking suddenly quite deranged. “DON’T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” A few sparks shot out of the end of his wand, which was still pointed at Black’s face. Hermione fell silent.
“Vengeance is very sweet,” Snape breathed at Black. “How I hoped I would be the one to catch you. …”
“The joke’s on you again, Severus,” Black snarled. “As long as this boy brings his rat up to the castle” — he jerked his head at Ron — “I’ll come quietly. …”
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Nevertheless, Sirius had been of some help to Harry, even if he couldn’t be with him. It was due to Sirius that Harry now had all his school things in his bedroom with him. The Dursleys had never allowed this before; their general wish of keeping Harry as miser¬able as possible, coupled with their fear of his powers, had led them to lock his school trunk in the cupboard under the stairs every summer prior to this. But their attitude had changed since they had found out that Harry had a dangerous murderer for a god¬father — for Harry had conveniently forgotten to tell them that Sirius was innocent.
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The book received mostly negative or lukewarm reviews from the popular press and sparked a literary controversy regarding how, and whether, an author's work should be reworked and published after his death.
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A mediwizard came tearing across the field, his fingers stuffed into his own ears, and kicked Mostafa hard in the shins. Mostafa seemed to come to himself; Harry, watching through the Om¬nioculars again, saw that he looked exceptionally embarrassed and had started shouting at the veela, who had stopped dancing and were looking mutinous.
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“Well, the elves are happy, aren’t they?” Ron said. “You heard old Winky back at the match … ‘House-elves is not supposed to have fun’ … that’s what she likes, being bossed around. …”
“It’s people like you, Ron,” Hermione began hotly, “who prop up rotten and unjust systems, just because they’re too lazy to —”
Another loud bang echoed from the edge of the wood.
“Let’s just keep moving, shall we?” said Ron, and Harry saw him glance edgily at Hermione. Perhaps there was truth in what Malfoy had said; perhaps Hermione was in more danger than they were. They set off again, Harry still searching his pockets, even though he knew his wand wasn’t there.
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In many places in eastern and southern Ukraine and throughout Belarus, these languages are spoken interchangeably, and in certain areas traditional bilingualism resulted in language mixture, e.g.

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From the 1970s to the fall of the Suharto regime in 1998, the Indonesian government ran transmigration programs aimed at resettling the population of Java on other less-populated islands of Indonesia. This program has met with mixed results; sometimes causing conflicts between the locals and the recently arrived settlers. However, Java's share of the nation's population has fallen steadily.
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Nice blog. I must come visit more often.

That has to be the most cutest cat animation I've seen in a while.

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furniture blogWorld War I resulted in heavy casualties for Slovenes, particularly on the twelve Battles of the Isonzo, which took place in what is nowadays Slovenia's western border area. Hundreds of thousands of Slovene conscripts were drafted in the Austro-Hungarian Army, and over 30,000 of them lost their lives.

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buying a home in mississaugaBounded by the Atlantic Ocean on the east, Brazil has a coastline of 7,491 km (4,655 mi).[11] It is bordered on the north by Venezuela, Guyana, Suriname and the French overseas region of French Guiana; on the northwest by Colombia; on the west by Bolivia and Peru; on the southwest by Argentina and Paraguay and on the south by Uruguay.

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Orange Discount CodesWorld War I resulted in heavy casualties for Slovenes, particularly on the twelve Battles of the Isonzo, which took place in what is nowadays Slovenia's western border area. Hundreds of thousands of Slovene conscripts were drafted in the Austro-Hungarian Army, and over 30,000 of them lost their lives.

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In many places in eastern and southern Ukraine and throughout Belarus, these languages are spoken interchangeably, and in certain areas traditional bilingualism resulted in language mixture, e.g.

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The Spanish tried to prevent Portuguese expansion into the territory that belonged to them according to the 1494 Treaty of Tordesillas, and succeeded in conquering the Eastern Strip in 1777. However, this was in vain as the Treaty of San Ildefonso, signed in the same year, confirmed Portuguese sovereignty over all lands proceeding from its territorial expansion, thus creating most of the current Brazilian borders.

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The civil war was mostly restricted to the Province of Ljubljana, where more than 80% of the Slovene anti-partisan units were active. Between 1943-1945, smaller anti-Communist militia existed in parts of the Slovenian Littoral and in Upper Carniola, while they were virtually non-existent in the rest of the country. By 1945, the total number of Slovene anti-Communist militamen reached 17,500.

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