Einstein : Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted.

Friday, 31 August 2007

Obligations, part 2.

I am here today to pay tribute to you, to the forces you lead, to the local police authorities you work with, and above all, the 140,000 police officers and police staff who each day take responsibility for the protection of all our citizens.

Over the last year I have seen close at hand, in all areas of the country and in the last few days meeting police in Liverpool, in Birmingham, and the Met in London - your great achievements.

Your day-to-day work combating crime and ensuring safe communities.

Your one-to-one work with young people at risk of wasting their lives in crime, and
your achievements from the local to the global, uncovering and thwarting terrorist conspiracies, bringing major national and international crimes to justice.

We place in your hands our homes and our safety and security. We expect you to risk danger and sometimes your lives on our behalf - with the recent tragic deaths of PC Ricky Gray and PC Jon Henry reminding us again of the bravery and the sacrifice that is required in the line of duty.

There is no more fundamental right than the right of a citizen to be safe and secure.

So there is no greater responsibility than that which you as police officers accept.

And there is no greater obligation for us in Government than to support you in discharging that duty.

Who said this ? Gordon Brown. There is also that word again. Obligation.

He said more.

Tough on crime.

Between 1986 and 2000 Michael Porter admitted gross indecency and indecent assault offences against young boys as young as 18 months. He was recently convicted and sentenced to a three year rehabilitation order. He escaped a custodial sentence.

He has had mitigation for his circumstances by the fact that he came forward and admitted his involvement. The judge belived it to be an exeptional case because Porter had already received therapy.

He is banned from being alone with anyone under 18 years of age and has been put onto the sex offenders register.

He is a paedophile. He abused the trust of friends and work colleagues.

Apparently he left the court hand in hand with his wife.

The founder of the Victim of Crime Trust believes that this sentence absolutely beggars belief.

This was not a minor theft or damage. This was a series of serious sexual offences against innocents who could neither protect themselves or prevent these terrible things taking place.

I have no idea of how the families of the victims feel about the severity of the sentencing. I can guess. Itis my guess that they are not impressed.

The morale of the story ?

The Ant and The Grasshopper


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself


The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool. He laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

BBC, ITV, SKY news, Channel 4 & even CNN, show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The British public are stunned by the sharp contrast.
How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, so civilized and prosperous this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

The grasshopper is immediately accorded victim status.

The telly tubbies appears on children's TV with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green." along with other anti-ant songs.

Representatives and supporters from the various minority Political institutions stage a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." The Archbishop of Canterbury leads the group to kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Tony Blair exclaims in an interview with Jeremy Paxman that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both agree that an immediate stealth tax should be levied on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the European Commission, pushed by the UK MEP's drafts the Economic Equity & Anti-Grasshopper Act retroactive to the beginning of the summer.

The grasshopper seeks and is awarded legal aid to take his case to the European Court of Human rights.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government. The Ant is left branded a grasshopperist and as a result of so much negative press is unable to begin to work to rebuild his life.

Cherie Blair gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of High Court judges that Tony Blair appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case. The grasshopper is awarded costs and a sizeable compensation package that leaves the ant financially crippled. The grasshopper employs an agent and is able to secure book & film rights and several lucrative sponsorship deals.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the local authority low cost housing property he has been given, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow.

The grasshopper is later found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: You can decide this one.

Of course this is all totally untrue and non-factual. A complete work of fiction.
How could it be anything else ?

Wednesday, 29 August 2007


Isn't it nice to hear government mouthpieces making reassuring statement about their obligations.

Trouble is, these seem to be towards the Iraq & Afghanistan population and not to things on the domestic front.

Oh yes. The prison officers have gone out on strike after being ignored for too long
and not being taken seriously by, the government, funnily enough.

What was that about obligations ?

Tuesday, 28 August 2007


This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Vegas but there are more Catholic Churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly some worshippers at Sunday services give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed around.

Since they get chips from many different casinos the churches have devised a method to collect the offering.

The churches send all their collected chips to the nearby franciscan monastery for sorting & then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin & cashed in.
This is done by the Chip Monks!!!!

You didn't even see it coming did you?

Sunday, 26 August 2007

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction

The seemingly unstoppable tide of youth crime has taken another turn with the sad and unfortunate death of an innocent 11 year old in Liverpool.

Because the victim was so young the slide into a so called new abyss of bad behaviour has been identified and hit mega headline news. This is becoming a now constant stream of bad news on an almost daily basis and definately sad reading or listening.

The renewed call for yet more police officers on the beat is answered by the statements that police numbers have increased year on year under whatever government is in power.

All this seems to forget that following a report by the audit commision some years ago police officers on the street were not deemed an effective use of such a resource, presumably because they performed a service in such a way so as not to have anything to measure. Funny that, as we provide exactly that, a service. To compare and judge along the lines of business is stupid and irrelevant and is only done to follow a trend in trying to appear more efficient and productive. We don't sell stuff, although we probably will soon, we give a service. It seems that the community either tolerate us because they have to or hate us because we are the only thing between civil obedience and anarchy of a lawless society that they want. Funny how some of them still complain when stuff happens to them.

Take away service to the community and replace with all sorts of targets to copy industry standards at the same time as saving as much money as you can. Add to this the ball park figures that the mouth-pieces state that this or that government has spent (in real terms, I nearly forgot that bit) and you reach the position where ever increasing numbers of officers have been taken away from walking their beats and reallocated to other trendy targets by a hoard of teams, squads and other groups.

The normal everyday response goes on relentlessly.

The normal everyday association with a regular officer in an area is almost lost.
A sudden return to this would still miss out on several years of local knowledge that the current organisation of resources has lost in all but small pockets. Very few officers spend all or most of their career on the same beat or area. The close relationship with the community is lost.

All this is because of saving money and an ideology of someone with a business brain and little or no regards for the style and quality of policing that was in place at one stage. This was deemed to be old fashioned and outdated. In my view just excuses for saving money and changing what service was provided for something more manageable, more statistically accountable and less of a service than it used to be.

Modernisation, better use of equipment and resources, able to better react to our changing society etc etc etc.

Society has changed, there is no doubt. More cars, more availability of cars, more people who have no social conscience, more people who care nothing about anyone but themselves and more people who condone and support lawless and antisocial behaviour.
Less and less people who stand up or challenge the unacceptible.

Yet the one consistent thing is that itis always somehow someone elses fault. Mostly, it seems, the police but if not then always someone elses fault.

Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. With action comes responsibility.

Breach that responsibility and nothing will happen to you, again and again and again.

This is the message we seem to be giving as a society.

I guarantee that the bad and disturbing news will continue because within the trends of generational growth the standards always get worse. The boundaries always get pushed lower and lower. What shocks gets ever worse. The ones who suffer most are the victims, the real victims, not those who claim or are given a variety of victim status but at the same time shelve all personal responsibility for their actions.
Again the actions of the minority have such a profound and negative effect on the lives of the majority.

I listened to a liverpool MP talking on the radio and what he said made a lot of sense. Even then the reported disagreed just for the sake of taking an opposite view.
There is a breakdown in families that is some part responsible for our declining standards of behaviour, along with the violence and filth and mindless trash that is available to watch by way of TV or computer games. Of course there will be 'no real & conclusive evidence' to support this but then again there never will be.

We've got too much opposition in this country and something needs to change.

But, then again, we got everyone's human rights to consider and people in jobs to justify their existance. Perhaps lets just stick to targets, everyone is happier about that.

Saturday, 25 August 2007

motorway madness

For the last several weeks I have been hearing on the radio at work, on a daily basis, about yet another RTC, formerly RTA that has occurred on the motorways or major roads, sometimes even both, of the road networks that run through my area.

The mayhem, inconvenience and untold delays these events cause to other road users are one symptom of events that occur that involve serious injury or all too often fatalities. Whilst suffering the inconvenience of delays itis all too easy to forget the feelings of those who have suffered loss & injury. We refer to this nowadays as life threatening or life changing as opposed to major, serious of very serious likely to be fatal.

This occurs every year during the main holiday season, regularly and without fail on an annual basis.

Two things strike me, also on a regular basis.

I am amazed at how some of our community are so heartless and selfish to the plight of others. Some treat death and serious injury as no more than a whim. I doesn't affect them so they don't give a toss. I am amazed at the total lack of consideration that others of our community show on the roads, often bordering total contempt.

I am also amazed at the levels of blatantly poor or dangerous driving, some of which is behind a lot of these accidents-collisions that disrupt what should be a time of people enjoying holidays.

Combine the two things and there is a recipe for disaster.

People who normally only drive short distances and the general intolerance and lack of consideration for others and you have our roads network in the summer. They get mixed in with the normal everyday people who drive as part of their living and seem to swell the road burden to an amazing level.

Police wrongly get the blame for much of this mayhem caused by road closures, diversions or blockages.

These are no longer scenes of traffic accidents-collisions. They are scenes of crimes and needed to be treated with such importance. We get one chance to get the scene examination done properly. Its no good when and if things go to court 10, 12 or 18 months later saying that this or that wasn't done at the time. We owe it to those injured or killed and their families to do the job properly. It will continue to piss off most of the poor sods caught up in untold delays and those jams that don't seem to move for hours. I know because I've been there as well.

Until the menace of impatience, intolerance and lack of consideration are removed this cycle of mayhem will continue.

Police dogs muzzled

No problems with this poll.

Clearly in favour of keeping our dogs free of muzzles and therefore not restricting their effectiveness. 91% of the votes say so.

Thanks again to those who voted.

Tuesday, 21 August 2007

Bank Holiday Weekend

Its the bank holiday weekend approaching. There will be football at the weekend, the last of the, laughingly called, summer holiday weekends that will collectively produce some of the greatest demand on the response resources available.

Rest assured that this perceived extra demand will have been carefully planned for with numbers down to minimum levels to deal with the extra workload.

A weekend when many of our 'partnership' partners will be unavailable yet the world as we know it has not taken a few days off.

I trust that the intoxicated and drunken behaviour of the generally stupidly inebriated will defy the odds and be so good that we will all rejoice in the bank holiday festivities and have an equally great time.

My best and safest wishes to you all.

Monday, 20 August 2007

Chimps without hoods.

I watched an interesting documentary the other day about chimpazees and drew some amazingly close comparisons with some of the modern, misunderstood youth of todays society.

They live in family groups, the chimps that is, some of them quite large. They have a strict heirarchy and appropriate acceptible behaviour levels. Any deviation from this is enforced rigorously and is quite brutal if needed to make the correct point and quell the insurrection. Itis over when itis over and normality returns to the fold. It appears that this is how they sort out the pecking order to sustain a successful group. The adolescents practice this behaviour amongst themselves as a preparation for the big wide world when they are mature enough to see and fit into the bigger picture.

The adolescent chimps appear to prefer to hang around in gangs, terrorising the small, weak or aged when the opportunities allow and appear to get great fun out it. The pester the bloody hell out of them (we call it bullying) and generally make their lives a misery. Getting their kicks I presume. They are unable to settle for any long period of time and appear to get, what I would called bored, for want of a better word. Then they are off looking for their kicks to amuse and stimulate themselves.

The ones they don't mess with are the higher ranking males or females, because that means serious trouble. A bit like being grounded but with longer, sharper teeth. When these more dominant or mature chimps get really pissed off they are not slow in showing their annoyance and put the rowdy adolescents firmly in their place. A bit like the Police and SAS all wrapped into one but without the long drawn out legal proceedures. Needless to say, the adolescents know exactly who not to piss off. There is also no appeals process. The status quo is restored for a while before they start to gang up on the weak, young and old again. The really troublesome adolescents can be driven out of the group if they are a pain and lose the benefit of numbers for companionship, food and protection.

So maybe this disruptive, disrespectful and annoying behaviour of the hooded hordes is an ancient genetic trend or perhaps some of them are closer to chimpazees than we think. And where are the adults (higher ranking males & females) to sort out the troublesome adolescents ?

I think this would called vigiliantyism or something with our misguided human slant on things. I've called Bronson but he states he is too old to deal with this matter effectively.

One thing is for sure, our intelligence has allowed us the luxury of using most of our time to find ways to amuse or entertain our selves. The need for all our resources to be used just to survive, to find shelter,food and defend ourselves is now not the case. The days when everybody worked from a young age, because they simply had to, is well passed us because we are now civilized and educated, some may say anyway. Are we better off for all this advancment ?

We are more aware of what is happenning all over the world but often don't know what is going on in the next street, we can buy all sorts of convenience junk because the ads say we are better off for it. At the same time we lose the life skills we have needed in the past. Another thing society has lost is the burden of resposibility for our actions because we are deemed unable to decide. Everything is denied and everything has to go to court, be it civil or criminal.

Something must change but I suspect it won't, although we will be tolod it has.

Thursday, 16 August 2007

Captain David Hicks

I have been inspired by one thing I read that really, I mean really impressed me. It has reaffirmed my view that inspirational leadership does exist, somewhere, out there.

Sadly it was not in the Police Force but in the military.

Captain David Hicks was supposed to be evacuated to safety for treatment for shrapnel wounds sustained during action and refused, preferring to stay and fight with his men. He showed the highest standards of leadership and earned genuine respect from those in his command. Sadly his wounds were so severe to be fatal.

He had also written a tribute to one of his men killed the previous day.

I wonder who will write his ?

I don't even know him but have enormous respect already.

Acceptible behaviour ?

I've made the mistake of buying a paper for the last few days and what sad reading it makes. Along with the recent news that seems to be almost all bad there is a trend in reporting of lawless youth who seem intent on confirming the impression that threats and intimidation by groups of dilinquent youth are making the lives of ordinary people a misery.

Enren Anil was killed after challenging two people for throwing something in his car.

If anyone is ever convicted of this crime they will say they didn't intend to kill him and shelve any responsibility for their actions.

Garry Newlove was punched & kicked to death after confronted a group of youths outside of his home.

I could go on.

Serious violent crime has soared in many places and the change in licencing laws as well the easy availability of alcohol has contributed towards this. Also the ever increasing number of our young people involved in alcohol related events are making lives a misery for ever more of the law abiding people who feel threatened, intimidated and angry about the effects of anti-social behaviour.

Sceptics may say there is no research that supports this but I say just get out onto the housing estates, both old and new, to see exactly what is going on and you will be able to open your eyes and see the reality of what is happenning. Anyone working as a response resource will also say different.

The intent is to look good, behave in such a way to enhance your status and get some and respect and copy the sulking bad attitudes and lack of respect for most of society that acceptible within your own peer group to the detriment of others.

Thankfully not all of todays young people are like this.

Like every group a increasing number get the decent ones a bad name.

I have been observing a large group and what I've seen has been harmless fun that irritates the curtain twitchers who complain needlessly.

I have also seen unacceptible behaviour by another group that has justified numerous calls and required a suitable response.

There is a balance and the most important thing in this balance is personal responsibility. Sadly an ever growing number take action without the responsibility for those actions.

Disorderly people do not want to see consequences of their actions.

Too many parents do not see or refuse to see any responsibility on their part for the actions of their children.

It is left to someone else to take responsibility and when this is done, in too many cases, people complain about over reaction or heavy handedness.

Perhaps those that complain, because the Police are doing the job of parents, nannys and just about everyone else who fails to do so, might have some positive words of encouragement for the families and friends of everyone who has been killed, injured, threatened or had property damaged by mindless selfish idiots who are often drunk and accept no responsibility for their actions.

Wednesday, 15 August 2007

Poll Result - What do you want from your dog handler

The results from my poll about dog handlers gave all the choices from those who voted within two of the four options.

31% of the votes were for a Police officer first with dog support secondary.

68% of the votes were for a dedicated specialist support resource.

Supporting their own departmental targets and not at all, returning to District got no votes.

That tells me that a good majority want us dog handlers out there as dedicated specialist support resource.

Thanks to all who took the time to vote.

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

I've been tagged

It appears that I've been tagged by Twining.

What that means exactly I don't fully understand but, it seems to surround what I would do if I was in the glorious position of being commissioner for a day.

I've thought about this and itis clear that within this fantasy nothing much would be permanent because it would all change back.


If I could things I would like to instill some role reversal policies.

I would like all officers to perform a variety of different roles to gain experience and awareness of different areas.

We have moved on from what I consider true selection for a post because of fairness at work, equal opps and either cowardly selection procedures that are more concerned with reducing complaints which are largely caused by mis-information or simply bad losers. As a result we face people who are in a role they are not suited for or have little or no ability to do. It appears that quite often the best person for the role is overlooked.

Everyone will know of someone who is suited for a particular role but for a variety of reasons they fail a paper sift, their written evidence covering something is not as good as another's or they do not interview very well means they are overlooked. Someone who can submit high marking written evidence and perform well in an interview
will get the nod over someone with more ability to perform the role.

Now back to role reversal, I would like everyone to work in comms to see what there are up against. They have targets and staffing issues.

I would like officers of Insp & above to work as response unit for a month to see just what happens with workload and balancing all the things that get decreed from on high.

I would like those that moan about the management teams to perform that role to see how they cope with the different demands.

Then and only then will we get back to what we used to do well. That is putting people in jobs they enjoy and do well. Round pegs in round holes. We might also allow for the roles to get back to specialising in what they do instead of widening the demands and expectations within the role.

This is just a dream, I know. We are burdened down with all sorts of other crap that give this idea absolutely no chance to get off the ground. We are never going to lose the influeence of the host of policies to ensure we are seen to be playing fair, the equal opps, the positive discrimination, the statments from ACPO that appear to endorse selection procedure importance but are given lip service when selections are made.

I can still dream, I might still get that lottery win.

Sorry, I am dreaming again.


Sixteen year old PCSO's now there is a real move forward.

What will happen when the abuse starts. The first time someone tells them to F-off will they tell their mum ?

At a time when resources are stretched and these overstretched frontline resources are picking up holes left by the increased PCSO 'support' then how & where are the extra officers going to fill in the spaces of the stuff that can't be dealt with ?

You really couldn't make it up. But then again, you don't have to, its real.

Nothing to do with targets I presume.

Sunday, 12 August 2007

A different perspective.

There I was, curled up sound asleep on one of the beds, dreaming of chasing that magical mouse and just about to pounce after stalking it into a suitable convenient corner, when I was suddenly and violently interrupted by the demented rantings of a madman. My defence impulses kicked in straight away, luckily for me I can tell you, as a cushion came spiralling my way at break neck speed. This was a particularly nasty cushion with pointed stitched and piped corners and possessed a rather nasty zip fastening. I saw this, luckily, as it hurtled towards me. In an instant my special pussy service (SPS)survival training came into play and with lightening reactions I leapt from the said bed, twisted in the air on the way back to terra-firma to see my assailant with a follow up cushion held aloft by arm already in the cocked position. As I landed on all fours I had to employ evasion and avoidance techniques of the highest calibre. You would have been so proud of me. My first thought was name, rank, serial. I had no intention of divulging important information. I quickly glanced around and I spotted a likely escape. I dived for cover under the bed, right to the back where the shoe tray is, slipped quietly in amongst the shoes and out of sight. Time now to get my bearings and work on an escape plan now that I was still alive. I had no time to fathom out why this sudden and unprovoked attack had come to pass. After all I had not invaded anywhere recently. And then it came to me...............

The crazy one, the one with the dog (bloody nasty thing) must have found my little present. Just then I was aware of the mattress safety zone being lifted up. I had to think and act quickly. My position within the shoe box would become visible to the enemy and my exact location would be know. I would be in serious risk. Then I saw my chance. I crawled out of the shoe box and out from under the bed, through the door and I was out, across the landing and down the terraced hillside to the low valley. I made a quick search for an exit to that secret land they call 'outside' but found that all likely routes were barred. This was a suprise as usually the madman with the dog (horrid thing) is normally only too happy for me to experience this wonderful place, as he so kindly puts it. I had to think quickly again as I could hear the thumping from up the mountain and hear his war cries. I was in immediate danger so I decided to seek further cover and continue to formulate my evasion plan. All possible borders were either closed to me or presented more risk than it was worth. I could brush myself against his legs and give my bestest miouw but I detected sufficient hostility to dismiss this stupid and foolhardy idea almost as soon as it came to mind. I was now beginning to feel a little tired. I had been awake, on a knife edge, for almost a minute. Surey now was time for just a little nap. But no, I had to be brave and continue with my escape plan. Not even time for a quick wash.

Behind the settee was my choice. Almost certainly this would not be his first choice to look. As I slipped between the back of the settee and the wall I felt the squeeze as my sides were compressed by a considerable force. No, he hadn't got me but I may have put on a few pounds recently. Perhaps thats why he calls me lardy ? Well who knows ? Everyone knows that Lord Herby is my true title. I have a shiny collar to prove it as well. One has ones standards you know.

I was very surprised to see that he came straight for the settee. This guy is a lot smarter than he looks. He continued to rant and rave and another beige cushion with the piping an those nasty sharp zips, came crashing down between the gap, my gap, towards me. I was able to turn over and head back seeking some protection of attack from above and headed towards the coffee table. The sod clearly anticipated this as another cushion hit the floor only inches in front of me. I quickly turned again and headed back around the settee (the rather tastful black leather and leatherette corner suite) made a bolt for the door that had been left insecure and down the valley bordered by sheer cliffs to one side and the terraced hillside on the other. Once throught the valley I was into the feeding area, my instinct told me to go left as the dog lies to the right. This would have a stupid and foolhardy decision. Although the food lies in that direction but, in light of the current circumstances I decided to let this opportunity pass. So left it was, I leapt up onto one of the low terraces under the wide plateau. This has provided safety before and affords an excellent covert surveillance point with exit routes to north south east and west. I have heard this referred to as table plateau and I know that the humans sit around on the low terraces grunting and consuming their nourishments.

Despite the pounding in my chest it was then I heard it, the click of the guardian stone at the head of the valley. I heard no magic key sound as you need to gain access from the place known as outside. But the click to suggest that the madman had inadvertantly removed the guardian stone. But why ? Could he have been stupid enough to give me a potential escape route? Did he think I had got to the outside when he knew damn well I never had my own magic key to the guardian stone. I decided to lay low and consider the possibilities. I fully realised at this point that he could only have recently discovered my present and had discovered it neatly in a line on the bedroom carpet. I thought the rather moist dribbly bit at the end particularly tastful. I thought for a while that he must have got out of bed on the wrong side, as you humans do on occasions. But after careful consideration I dismissed this as it was clear that if he had got out on the wrong side he would have catshite between his claws. Clearly he had been able to avoid this as there was no evidence of any debris between his claws. I', sure I would have seen this. My respect for him grew immensly. He was a worthy and conniving adversary. I began to feel tired again. Now 2 minutes at least had elapsed and I hadn't had so much as a small kippette. If I can't manage at least 40 snoozes I simply don't have the energy for my proper sleep. And anyway, if he had not got out of his bed on the wrong side, why was he is such a bad mood ?

As I thought about my predicament (big word for a feline) from the safety of the low terrace, I heard the tell tale creak of the terraced hillside being ascended. I have learned this sound and know it well. It has been the trigger for food on many occasions accompanied by a series of feeble mewings and leg brushing. God you humans are so gullible. I thought about the evidence. The madman is climbing the terraced hillside. The guardian stone has been removed from the end of the valley. How could he have been so bloody stupid. I saw my chance and quickly bolted from under the low terrace, kept my claws in so as not to alert the madman of my presence and moved swiftly but silently to the end of the valley. The creaks of the terraced hillside remain reassuringly distant so I seized my chance and headed for freedom and safety through the valley towards the now opened guardian stone and into the perilous outside world. I began to gloat at how I had once again overcome the madman when suddenly I realised, to my horror, that I had greatly and rather foolishly underestimated him. A quick glance told me that he was indeed on the terraced hillside but not climbing, just walking on the spot, on the 5th or 6th terrace up and had been able to reload with further cushions. How could I have been so damn smug and shallow. Too late, the first fizzed through the air and landed only millimetres from my right shoulder, I began to weave and dodge in true and trusted SPS evasion patterns but to no avail. The second incoming took me across the back and a third took me across the shoulders as I got to the gap left where the guardian stone had been moved. I realised that the madman was a worthy adversary and one who demanded the utmost respect. He had fooled me into accepting an escape and it was I who was the stupid one (only on this occasion I must emphasis.) I had fallen for his plan and sufferred the consequences. The humiliation will be unbearable.

Imagine how I feel, outwitted by a mere human and a madman at that, even without the help of his dog. I could have dealt with this but not just the madman.

The mate of the madman, the one who likes to look at shiny things, a bit like me really, the one who normally feeds me and seldom shows me the place known as 'outside' was even exhibiting strange emotions towards me. She also was aware of my present and did not appear too grateful or considerate. She came along with some holy water to bless the sacred mark and wore some form of latex regalia. Must have been some powerful stuff in there as she repeated the sacred psalm of rawlf and bwarf during the blessing ceremony. She does concede that every rooms a bedroom but fails to understand that every room is also a toilet. Why they think I should belittle my self and sell my own soul to use a litter tray is beyond me. A litter tray I ask myself ????? Some of use still have our dignity you know. Would you have a crap in a litter tray ???? Of course not, so why expect me to. I need stress councelling as a result. The litter is a bugger to get out from between one's pads.

The perils of pursuit

An interesting story from the BBC news website.

A police officer has been found not guilty of setting his dog on a suspect after a high-speed car chase.

Pc Deano Walker, of West Midlands Police, denied charges of assault, dangerous driving and perverting the course of justice.

A jury at Stafford Crown Court cleared him of setting his dog on the man and perverting the course of justice.

They found him guilty of a charge of careless driving, but cleared him of dangerous driving.

During the three-day trial, the prosecution claimed the alleged incidents took place while police were chasing a suspect in a stolen van.

The prosecution said that at one point the footage, from two patrol cars and a helicopter, showed Pc Walker's car colliding with the van, which they had mistakenly believed was stolen.

Helicopter footage then showed him knocking down the van's passenger, Martin Pearce, and setting his dog on him, the court was told.

But during the trial Pc Walker said he did not believe either he or his dog had been particularly aggressive towards Mr Pearce.

Pc Walker, who was suspended from the police force for 14 months, was given nine points on his driving licence and fined £500.

Outside court, Pc Walker said: "Now I want to get back to work and do the job I'm paid to do as a police officer."

Pc Walker will still face disciplinary action from West Midlands Police after he admitted breaking force rules as he was not authorised to take part in pursuits.


Saturday, 11 August 2007

Funny thing death.

Funny thing death, as some posts from other bloggers have said.

My own death experiences have been rekindled yet again and taken my mind back.

I remember how stupid my old dad used to appear to me and how much rubbish he used to talk. Then I became aware of how much he had suddenly learnt, about all sorts of stuff.

He appeared to have gained an awful lot of knowledge and experience overnight and became almost a pleasure to have a conversation with. How could this have mysteriously happened in such a short space of time. Had he been to nightschool ?


Could it possibly be anything to do with my sudden burst of maturity and life experience, seeing things and people differently ? Probably so. Funny how you get to a certain age and you actually see things, understand stuff and generally become more aware of so much more of what is going on.

I would have loved to have told him, but sadly, it was too late. Lots of things are out there, if we choose to see and understand them. Don't miss the opportunity, you might not get another chance.

Remember life is not a rehearsal. You only get one shot at it. Don't let that chance pass you by.

Thursday, 9 August 2007

If Nelson were alive today.

Nelson: "Order the signal, Hardy."
Hardy: "Aye, aye sir."

Nelson: "Hold on, that's not what I dictated to Flags. What's the meaning of this?"
Hardy: "Sorry sir?"

Nelson (reading aloud): "'England expects every person to do his or her duty, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation, religious persuasion or disability.' - What gobbledegook is this?"
Hardy: "Admiralty policy, I'm afraid, sir. We're an equal
opportunities employer now. We had the devil's own job getting 'England' past the censors, lest it be considered racist."

Nelson: "Gadzooks, Hardy. Hand me my pipe and tobacco."
Hardy: "Sorry sir. All naval vessels have now been designated smoke-free working environments."

Nelson: "In that case, break open the rum ration. Let us splice the
mainbrace to steel the men before battle."
Hardy: "The rum ration has been abolished, Admiral. Its part of the Government's policy on binge drinking."

Nelson: "Good heavens, Hardy. I suppose we'd better get on
with it ........... full speed ahead."
Hardy: "I think you'll find that there's a 4 knot speed limit in this stretch of water."

Nelson: "Damn it man! We are on the eve of the greatest sea battle in history. We must advance with all dispatch. Report from the crow's nest please."
Hardy: "That won't be possible, sir."

Nelson: "What?"
Hardy: "Health and Safety have closed the crow's nest, sir. No harness, and they said that rope ladders don't meet regulations. They won't let anyone up there until a proper scaffolding can be erected."
Nelson: "Then get me the ship's carpenter without delay, Hardy."
Hardy: "He's busy knocking up a wheelchair access to the foredeck Admiral."

Nelson: "Wheelchair access? I've never heard anything so absurd."
Hardy: "Health and safety again, sir. We have to provide a barrier-free environment for the differently abled."

Nelson: "Differently abled? I've only one arm and one eye and I
refuse even to hear mention of the word. I didn't rise to the rank of
admiral by playing the disability card."
Hardy: "Actually, sir, you did. The Royal Navy is under represented in the areas of visual impairment and limb deficiency."

Nelson: "Whatever next? Give me full sail. The salt spray beckons."
Hardy: "A couple of problems there too, sir. Health and safety won't let the crew up the rigging without hard hats. And they don't want anyone breathing in too much salt - haven't you seen the adverts?"

Nelson: "I've never heard such infamy. Break out the cannon and tell the men to stand by to engage the enemy."
Hardy: "The men are a bit worried about shooting at anyone, Admiral."

Nelson: "What? This is mutiny!"
Hardy: "It's not that, sir. It's just that they're afraid of
being charged with murder if they actually kill anyone. There's a couple of legal-aid lawyers on board, watching everyone like hawks."

Nelson: "Then how are we to sink the Frenchies and the Spanish?"
Hardy: "Actually, sir, we're not."

Nelson: "We're not?"
Hardy: "No, sir. The French and the Spanish are our European partners now. According to the Common Fisheries Policy, we shouldn't even be in this stretch of water. We could get hit with a claim for compensation."

Nelson: "But you must hate a Frenchman as you hate the devil."
Hardy: "I wouldn't let the ship's diversity co-ordinator hear you saying that sir. You'll be up on disciplinary report."

Nelson: "You must consider every man an enemy, who speaks ill of your King."
Hardy: "Not any more, sir. We must be inclusive in this multicultural age. Now put on your Kevlar vest; it's the rules. It could save your life"

Nelson: "Don't tell me - health and safety. Whatever happened to rum, sodomy and the lash?"
Hardy: As I explained, sir, rum is off the menu! And there's a ban on corporal punishment."

Nelson: "What about sodomy?"
Hardy: "I believe that is now legal, sir."

Nelson: "In that case...............................kiss me, Hardy."

Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Polls, not exactly MORI but its a start.

I have added a poll to my sidebar.

Please feel free to made a selection.

I shall be changing them from time to time
in the interests of finding out exactly
what frontline officers want from their
dog handlers.

If the poll doesn't give the answer of
your choice then please add a comment.

Monday, 6 August 2007

The Organisation

I have found out that we are now part of an Organisation.

We no longer belong to the Police Force. That is far too old style and outdated.

Police Service is also very last year's fashion. So now its Organisation.

We are also part of a family of something, we belong to a family of Forces
but not to a family of organisations. We also never do stuff by ourselves
anymore. We always have a multi-agency approach to our problems. This apparently makes it better.

We also have things that show how we value our staff as individuals. We have things like 'investing in people' that show how well we treat our staff and value their contributions, no matter how small, towards the aims of the organisation (there is that word again) as part of this multi-agency approach to solving problems.

This 'organisation' does not consist of rather large scary people in black suits sorting out their problems. This caring,sharing,multi-thingy is where the future lies and is all part of the plan to educate the rest of us as to just how good a place the world is now that we are an organisation.

Gone are the days when individual officers are capable of working out what is going on out there in the outside world by using skills they have honed over a number of years. Now the organisation tells them what they should be doing.

There seems to be a large erosion of the word 'trust' relating to how officers used their skills, their noses or just their perserverance to direct their policing efforts towards giving free bed & breakfast to deserving cases.

Now they are told what to do and when to do it and then to submit electronic data into the paperless office of parts of this organisation. This is so that we are able to show we are doing the chosen thing for the benefit of the organisation.

As long as itis for the benefit of the organisation I suppose that makes everything alright ? The only thing I fail to understand is for whose benefit within this organisation does all this happen ?

We also don't seem to have responsibility for things any more. You now have ownership of something. Therefore itis your problem now.

I have removed my sense of humour as it appears that this, too, is inappropriate for the needs of the organisation. I have removed my ability to think for myself as this leads me to make my own decisions and this might not be one of the aims of the organisation. I have taken away my views of how the organisation operates and I now believe and support what the people in their offices and at their meetings decree.

I realise that the multi-duplication of statistical information is not meaningless but is vital to the benefit of the organisation. I am looking at the bigger picture.

Does it all make some form of wierd sense now ?

Sunday, 5 August 2007

Perception........its a good word.


Now we are into the school holidays. Great for the teachers but bad for the Police and most neighbourhoods. To add to the weekend drunken madness of people who behave like assholes because they've had too much drink on their nights out for an alleged good time, we have the hoardes of juveniles who seem intent on mirroring their slightly older brethren by getting drunk and behaving like morons. Dozens of calls to add to the drunken bouts of fisticuffs and handbags at ten paces along with all the other drunken dross associated with the weekend revelry.

Every collection of young people seem to be targetted by the curtain twitchers 'taking an interest' in their local universe or those who have their peace disturbed by these groups of yoblets who are developing their taste in anti-social etiquette. Drinking, abusing passers by, damage to fences and walls, graffiti, talking loudly, shouting even louder, swearing, playing loud music, taking drugs, threats and intimidation, riding mopeds with no helmets, the list seems apparently endless.

We can easily draw on extra resources to deal with the influx of calls and deal with the problems as we see them as well as how they are perceived by the public who take the time to ring the jobs in to us.

But can we ? Exactly where are these resources ?

We haven't got any, thats where they are. How reassuring. Both reassuring for the public who call the jobs in and for the frontline officers who have the security of knowing that if it all goes pear shaped their backup will be along, well some time and hopefully soon.

I'm beginning to understand why so many of the older generation refrain from going out at night and prefer the 'safety' of their own homes. Safe from the drunken antics of these idiots, from unnecessary involvement with the old bill if they decide to try to resolve an issue themselves.

At least we are safe in the knowledge we have our targets to fall back on. That makes everything alright.

Now where was I ? Oh yes, perception. I nearly forgot. A good word is perception.
Its all about how you see or understand things.

The word perception comes from the Latin perception-, percepio, , meaning "receiving, collecting, action of taking possession, apprehension with the mind or senses."

Friday, 3 August 2007

de Quervain's tenosynovitis ?

de Quervain's tenosynovitis ? What's all that about then ?

Well try repetitive strain injury. It could be worth a cool £484,000. Now that is a lot of money and must be the result of an horrific injury. Or so I thought.

I read a post from Rogue Gunner http://rogue-gunner.blogspot.com and wasinitially shocked and then angry. What the bloody hell is happenning when someone in a non-confrontational support role can get an insulting and obscene amount by way of a compo claim and our maimed and injured servicemen & women get only a fraction of the amount. Something dark, unpleasant and nasty is lurking out there and itis a sorry state when claims by employees who face no real danger get this sort of compo payout. Was she depressed ? Send her out to Iraq or Afganistan so she understands the meaning of the word.

An RAF typist who injured her thumb at work is to be paid almost half a million pounds by the Ministry of Defence.
The civilian's award is almost 30 times the amount a serviceman would receive for the same injury.
It is eight times more than a soldier would receive for losing a leg and almost double the amount he could expect if he lost both legs.
The £484,000 payout was condemned by former soldiers, politicians and servicemen's charities who fear it will severely damage morale.
The woman, believed to be in her 20s, developed a repetitive strain injury while typing computer data.
She claimed it left her unable to work and caused her to become depressed, and she started legal action against the MoD.
Tory defence spokesman Liam Fox said: "I think it is indicative of a very weird set of priorities that those who are injured carrying out orders are less well compensated than those who are typing up the orders."
Critics claimed it was an insult to the 2,626 British servicemen who have been injured fighting in Afghanistan and Iraq.
Defence analyst Major Charles Heyman said: "An award like this to a civilian who is never going to be in fear of her life drags down morale.
"It shows where the MoD's priorities lie and those don't appear to be with the soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan.
"The soldiers will be shocked and astounded as they all know people with severe injuries who got nothing like that."
Jerome Church, secretary of the British Limbless Ex-servicemen's Association, said: "It would be laughable if it wasn't so outrageous.
"Hearing about this would certainly upset the soldiers coming back from war zones with serious injuries."
The woman was working as a data input clerk for the RAF when she developed an injury in her right hand.
It was later diagnosed as de Quervain's tenosynovitis - a repetitive strain-type injury in which the tendons at the base of the thumb become inflamed.

The woman claimed her injury left her unable to work and also caused her to become depressed.
She sued the MoD and it was revealed that she was awarded a total of £484,000 in compensation and associated costs.
Legal sources estimated that her total costs for the action would be unlikely to amount to more than £50,000, meaning she would pocket about £434,000.
This dwarfs the sums offered to serving members of the armed forces who could expect a one-off payment of just £16,500 for the same injury.
It is almost double the £285,000 a soldier can expect if he loses two limbs while fighting for his country.
The official tariff of compensation for injuries lists £28,750 for someone blinded in one eye; £57,500 for the loss of a leg and just £8,250 for injuries associated with surviving a gunshot wound.


A funny thing happened on the way to the office , sort of thing happened.

I was searching a large cemetary which took over 2 hours to complete.

During my time I regularly saw three blokes walking round carrying shovels.

No matter where I was I saw them walking around apparently lost.

When I had finished searching, I again saw the three and eventually my
curiosity got the better of me so I approached them.

Following a brief chat I found that the three were, in fact, grave diggers
and they had completely lost the plot.

Wednesday, 1 August 2007


A radio, somewhere, suddenly crackles into life, there is an alarm actuation at a building site, security bloke has seen someone climbing over the security fence into the site. Double jeopardy for someone.

Why is it that security fencing is never really that secure ?

Also, why is it that night security staff are always blokes, normally the wrong side of 50 and about 9 stone or are foreigners with barely a word of English ?

Anyway, suddenly my radio crackles into life. I am requested at a confirmed alarm at a building site. The same one as above, funnily enough. Trouble is that I am umpteen miles away and that district has no dog cover. Trouble is that its absolutely hammering down, again. I have to leave the area I'm patrolling because of what our statiticians call a 'developing trend'. Contrary to my perception of the management trust, I am able to work out where stuff is happening.

I make the usual checks,aks the usual questions but still cannot make an accurate informed decision so hit the blues & twos and hit the gas for depths of Upton Chutney or where ever this place is. I check that containment is on and hope that our intruder is still within the site.

After 25 minutes at mach .05 and a bit I arrive. Can't find the unit at the scene, can't find the security guard anywhere. Local unit is at the back containing, its still hammering down. Me and the lad get out, head for the rear of the site. I haven't gone far and I come across the containment. Both are sat in the car sheltering from the elements. Both are dry. Its been raining for at least 4 hours solid. They have driven as far around as they can go to contain said site. Security bloke buggered off ages ago he has another couple of sites to check and we are to ring him if anything is amiss. Suddenly I begin to realise I am the only one who gives a toss. In only a few minutes of being outside I am soaked. I follow the fence and find a hole. I begin to search the site and find several more holes. How on earth anyone saw anyone climbing over is a complete joke. There are multiple ways in and out and I have not included over or under as well. Colditz this is not,soakditz it most certainly is. Itis also mudditz, as the site activity and the rain over the passing of time have turned the site into some form of tank training course. I even ignored the hard hat and trip hazard signs as well.

I carry on searching and then after a further 20 minutes of immersion I finish with no result. There was never likely to be a result. But I did this because thats what we do. We support our colleagues. On this occasion they gratefully receive my specialist support from the dry comfort of their vehicle. Perhaps a few drops got through the three inch gap when we spoke briefly. How the hell can anyone contain anywhere when this is all the resources available anyway ? I suppose I was fortunate that they hadn't been called away to another job.

Then to add insult to injury I find out that there is another addition to the 'developing trend' figures and hot foot it back through the rain to more familiar territory only to find that the local units have completed the search because I was so far away, even though I told them I was winging my way back to them.

They've all gone, resumed to other duties or just to stay dry. I can't stay dry, I can't even get dry. Everything I own is wet. Sometimes you just can't win. Would I change this for another job ?

No bloody chance.