tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514377357336356111.post1724711452904121344..comments2023-10-26T14:20:21.877+01:00Comments on Whichendbites: Retire and run a pig farm.Whichendbiteshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10007093242950393006noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514377357336356111.post-2513419188321837372007-06-22T16:39:00.000+01:002007-06-22T16:39:00.000+01:00A farmer was overseeing his animals on a remote fi...A farmer was overseeing his animals on a remote field, when suddenly a<BR/>brand-new BMW speeds up the farm track towards him.<BR/><BR/>The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses<BR/>and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the farmer: "If I tell you<BR/>exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a<BR/>calf?"<BR/><BR/>The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his<BR/>peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers: "Aye, why not?"<BR/><BR/>The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it<BR/>to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the<BR/>Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his<BR/>location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area<BR/>in an ultra-high-resolution photo.<BR/><BR/>The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it<BR/>to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he<BR/>receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and<BR/>the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC<BR/>connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few<BR/>minutes, receives a response.<BR/><BR/>Finally, he prints out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech,<BR/>miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the farmer and says: "You have<BR/>exactly 1,586 cows and calves."<BR/><BR/>"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," replies the<BR/>farmer.<BR/><BR/>He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as<BR/>the young man stuffs it into the boot of his car.<BR/><BR/>Then the farmer says to the young man: "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what<BR/>your business is, will you give me back my calf?"<BR/><BR/>The young man thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Okay, why<BR/>not?"<BR/><BR/>"You work for DEFRA", says the farmer.<BR/><BR/>"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "But how did you guess that?"<BR/><BR/>"No guessing required," answered the farmer. "You showed up here even though<BR/>nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a<BR/>question I never asked.<BR/><BR/>"You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a<BR/>thing about cows - this is a herd of sheep now give me back my dogchrishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07574928297845542047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514377357336356111.post-87841846779798463752007-06-08T07:18:00.000+01:002007-06-08T07:18:00.000+01:00I couldn't possibly tell porkies could I?I couldn't possibly tell porkies could I?McNoddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10433976270647799322noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5514377357336356111.post-8993459036173954772007-06-07T22:38:00.000+01:002007-06-07T22:38:00.000+01:00I've seen this before. It's absolute gold and says...I've seen this before. It's absolute gold and says everything you need to know about this Government. It's really funny in an oddly depressing way! <BR/>Thanks for the link too. Top blog!The Thin Blue Linehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14901847640649366559noreply@blogger.com